“I think you should break up. Both of you. Break up with each other. State firmly to the other and yourself what you will no longer tolerate in your life. Then both of you run in the opposite direction and take an opportunity to work on your own shit, without someone holding the phone to your head threatening you.”
This is what I wish I had said.
Ok this is a rare post for me, though I feel compelled to share this story for a couple reasons.
First, I wanna start being “more” honest.
Second, to me this is a golden opportunity to share a teachable lesson.
So, with all that said, I am sharing a story of an actual couple that found me on google and called about relationship coaching...or counseling...or whatever.
In order to protect their...innocence...I am changing their names.
For this story we are going to call them Pierce and Precious.
I answer the phone on Saturday morning from an unknown Hawaii number and say hello.
“Hi, I am calling about couples counseling”, the voice on the line says.
Nearly every member of my family has been sick and I am a coach, not a counselor...I was confused.
“I’m sorry, say that again”, I reply.
“Yeah, I am looking at doing some couples counseling with my girlfriend...and how much does it cost?”
Hold on a minute.
Who is this?
How did you get my number?
Who is the counseling for?
The gentleman on the line pauses, I hear a voice in the background, and he tells me that his girlfriend wanted him to call.
So you and your girlfriend want coaching as a couple?
I explain to him how I am a coach and it is different than counseling and all that good stuff and then explain to him that I would need to talk to both of them together to assure it is something they both wanted to get into before discussing price.
More silence and then another voice on the phone.
“Hi, this is Precious and I need him to stop telling me that I am cheating if I don’t call when I have to stay late at work. He needs to stop thinking I am cheating and asking me to let him know where I am at. If I leave work and go somewhere after I don’t need to tell him every place I go.”
“Precious, is this coaching for both of you or just Pierce?”
“I am not the one with the problem, he is the one who needs tools...or whatever it is you do.”
“Ok, put Pierce back on, because if you have “no problems” than I don’t have anything for you.”
A defeated hello came back on the line.
“Pierce, did you want to make this call?”
“Do you want help or how do you see you and I working together?”
What came up next was the idling on of a nearly 40 year old man with a laundry list of infidelity in his past seemingly wanting his GF to let him know if she is gonna go to the store after work.
I scheduled a consultation with the man for a few days later and he didn’t show up.
Now let’s be real.
This exchange lasted about ten minutes and I am making up so many stories around it, but…
If your mind goes straight to “she is cheating” if she doesn’t call then you have some work to do.
If you have to force your boyfriend to call a life coach from a number you found off of google, that guy may not be right for you.
And even more so if you have to force him to call and then have the nerve to say, “I don’t have a problem, he is the one with the problem”...you also have a problem.
I wish I would have told Pierce and Precious, one whom seemed completely shut down to the problems in their life and the other convinced the other person was what was wrong with their life to break up.
I wish I would have said, there is no way, I can coach both of you because neither of you want to be in this conversation.
I wish I would have said that.
Perhaps I avoided getting yelled at or hung up on.
And maybe I let making a sale cloud my judgment.
I don’t want to do that anymore.
I do know one that that I do want more of.
And guess what, you don't have to pay someone to tell that your relationship is wack.
From now on I will do it for free.
This is a serious offer.
Do you have a relationship in your life, that you “aren’t sure” is right for you?
This could be with a spouse, partner, job, or your fucking phone.
Let’s chat about it.
So we can both be honest about what we probably both already know.
It is time to take this thing that you have been wanting to get rid of and burn it down.
The good news is that there are constructive ways to do this.
Just like a fallow field <——- Google this one.
To leave a charred cinder that you won’t ever go back to or at least that you will leave alone until nature has had an opportunity to renew it.
What do you say?
You bring the kerosene and I'll bring the matches?
First Wakeups LLC